I’m getting a little coo-coo as my fourth infusion approaches next Wednesday.Today is the sixtieth day that I’ve been on the Cancer Coaster and I’m ready to get off this ride. I actually contemplated stopping treatment. I imagine that, statistically, these thoughts are right on schedule. It reminds me that I frequently can be my own worst enemy. Likewise, my body does not seem to be my best friend right now, either. Perhaps it would be best to focus on something more spiritual.
One project that I’ve taken on during my treatment is to try and memorize my favorite spiritual text, be it poems or prayers. My ability to memorize has been compromised by both age and chemo. In order to aid the process of committing it to memory, I spend the time painting. (Granted, my artistic ability is akin to an 11 year olds skill level but I enjoy it just the same.) Hopefully, by the time I’m done with the picture, the poem is stored in both hemispheres of my brain. The poem I am learning today is a Native American piece called “Great Spirit” by Chief YellowLark.
Oh, Great Spirit, whose voice I hear in the winds and
whose breath gives life to all the world, hear me.
I am small and weak. I need your strength and wisdom.
Let me walk in beauty and make my eyes ever behold the red and purple sunset.
Make my hands respect the things you have made
and my ears sharp to hear your voice.
Make me wise so that I may understand the things you have taught my people. Let me learn the lessons you have hidden in every leaf and rock. I seek strength, not to be superior to my brother,
but to fight my greatest enemy – myself.
Make me always ready to come to you with clean hands and straight eyes,
so when life fades, as the fading sunset, my spirit will come to you without shame.