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Every morning I get an affirmation from Abraham Hicks, and this morning’s was this: The only thing that makes the difference in the way you feel right now is the thought that you are thinking right now. 

That was pretty interesting because moments before I was thinking about having to go back to the Cancer Center on Tuesday for my 11th Herceptin infusion. Obviously, I’m really not happy about that, especially because I have been feeling so good for the last week.  I started to think about trying to think about my treatment in a different way. Even though it might make me feel bad, the purpose is to help make sure I never have a recurrence – and that’s very good. On the other hand, it would be false to just try and walk around with a PollyAnna positive attitude about it – because the truth is, it makes me unhappy.  So, from now on, I’m choosing to put the remainder of my treatment in a more neutral thought zone, as in: it’s not horrible and it’s not great. It’s not good or bad.  It just IS.

I’m sure you’ve all heard this fable but it’s a good one (oops – it just IS a story) and it’s a good reminder.

It’s a story of a Chinese farmer whose horse ran off and his neighbor came over to his farm to console him. The farmer thanked him, and said, “Who knowsfarmer what is good or bad?”  When his horse returned the next day with a herd of horses, the neighbor returned to congratulate him. “Who knows what’s good or bad?” the farmer replied. The next day, the farmer’s son fell from one of the new horses and broke his leg, and again, the neighbor returned to console him. And again, the farmer said, “Who know’s what’s good or bad?”  That afternoon, when the army came to the farm to collect all the able-bodied young men to go to war, they left the farmer’s son behind – and again, the (really annoying and noisy) neighbor came by to congratulate the farmer, who again replied, “Who know’s what’s good or bad?”

You get the point.  I get the point.  I have a choice in every moment as to what I choose to think about and how I choose to think about it.

On that note, I hope you won’t mind if I write about something besides cancer now and again.  I was even thinking of changing the name of this blog, but it’s linked to too many other things now, and maybe it will help someone else down the line. I might have to end this one when my treatment ends. Perhaps I’ll start another blog. If I do, I hope you’ll join me.

For now, my treatment continues, some side effects remain, decisions may change.  It isn’t good or bad. It just IS.